Dream Weavers

Can I just talk for awhile and you can listen, can I speak my mind with out you getting distant? Now my mother cares that I am leaving now she doesn't understand and needs a reason, now my father wants to bribe me until I'm blue, you finish this and I will pay for school. I know they are all fakes ones who just like to be seen at the game but have no idea what number I'm playing. Now that its soon they want to act like they care but when I needed you, you were never there.

I found a place to store my car, with out either of my parents help. I found out about this program and signed myself up and went on the interviews alone, before I even mentioned any of my plan to either of them. They all think it is such a great idea, but do you even have any clue what it entails, have you ever gone to the website, have you ever looked into any of it to make sure your child is not making an irrational decision? No. This is why I have to constantly question my actions, this is why I sit alone at night and pray that god is at least in on my plan and is guiding me. I need guidance I seek approval but all they ever seem to do is want to smile in my face and tell me I am doing great but they can't see that I am high on zanax and gone off trees when you lack a parental unit things like that put your mind at ease.

The thing is, as long as I am not any ones problem none of them care, word for word when I told my dad I wanted to move to CT and go to school out there, I told him I was lonely and just wanted to be around some family. He says to me, "No you cant live in our house not even for a week, you have to have your own situation set up before you even get here, you cant make your shitty plan my shitty problem" I joined Job Corps the very next day, and now that I am for sure gone for six months some where else my plan is so great, but its just because I am not his problem or his plan and I am going to so far away that Out of Sight Out of Mind, until I call him next time.

And I know you are all probably thinking why would she need her parents guidance if she is 22? Well if you have never had guidance or structure or rules or any one weaving dreams with you at night as they put you to bed when you were five, or ten, or even fifteen then shit really starts to fuck with you right about now. I yearn for something that doesn't exist and the more time goes by the more nonexistent it becomes, a family.

All on my own I weave my dreams alone, I assure myself to fall asleep at night by promising myself it will all be alright.