A little bit of information

Yesterday when I started this blog I didn't think I would really give any back round info I kinda thought I would just jump right into my story as it was happening. But as I gave it more thought I realized everyone has to give a little bit of information as to how they got here, or why they are leaving, stuff like that. So anyways here is a little bit to chew on until my real adventure starts august 5th.

Now most kids are close with their families and parents and most kids have a whole 18 year span to grow up and spread their wings but me, I was the exception and this is how it all began.

My mama and daddy divorced in 1996, we lived in Connecticut at the time. It was my mama, my older sister and my younger brother and me when he left, we was all young including my mama. I was about ten, my sister was 12, and my brother was the baby he was five at the time. Now when my daddy left I thought he was the world and god knows how fast it came crashing down on me when it was all said and done and our bags were packed for California, that's when life really started changing. This was the result of my first heart break, and it was my daddy who was responsible for it.

I had to grow up quickly in a new strange city like San Francisco, I had to take the bus to school on my own, pick my brother up from his school on my own, cook dinner and stay home with my brother alone, although my older sister was appointed to babysit us she would just sneak out after my mama would leave at night to bar tend, that's how she supported us, and her drinking habits as well. Now I am not going to stay on this subject long because I am tired of talking about it, and writing about it. My childhood was non existent after age ten and that's just that. I have been an adult ever since.

When I was 14 I met a boy that made me feel like some one liked me, like some one would take the time out of their life to pay attention to me, I hadn't felt that way in years since my father left so it was wonderful at first. Then after all four years of high school and a year or two after it was over I was finally smart enough to see that this boy was not the right man for me or any one at that. He couldn't handle our break up and was obsessive and stalker-ish for months and then on one clear spring day he decided if he couldn't be with me than no one else could either.

Thank god I was able to get my self out of my mama's house alive I don't know really how I had done it I just remember shaking with blood all over me saying the same thing over and over to the police who had arrived on the scene. He had tried to strangle me to death, and some how while unconscious I got from underneath him long enough to run to the screen door to which he threw me against ripping open my leg on some stray metal hanging off it, that's where all the blood had come from, plus my lips my face had gotten a good beating as well. He was the second man to break my heart, and my faith this time too.

After that I changed a little bit inside, I cant really explain how other than I felt some days when I was at my lowest that maybe I shouldn't of fought as hard as I did to stay alive because some days my life was so lonely it didn't feel worth living.

But my life received a bit of sunshine when I met him, the one who just broke my heart, the one who just literally changed my whole life with three words "it's not working". I met him about a month after that whole ordeal had happened and he was everything that I thought a man could not be, he changed my perception of men and he opened my heart and broke down all my walls and he made me trust him and love him more than I ever had with any other person to this very day. We went on strong for about two years, it was the best love I had ever felt in my life. It was the safest and most secure I had ever felt in my life, and in the back of my mind the whole time we were together I was just waiting for god to stick his finger out at my through the clouds and start laughing, I just knew it was too good to be true, and like all happy moments or times in my life our relationship ended on a early Saturday morning about a month ago. He was the third man to break my heart and he happened to suck the life and soul out of me while he was stepping on my bloody heart.

I couldn't move or talk with out feeling excruciating pain for about a week, I walked around half dead in our empty apartment we once shared happily together. I remained intoxicated one way or the other and couldn't face my job or anyone in the world other than my girl friends for at least the first five days. I knew that I needed to write to get it out, to see my feelings in words and feel better but I didn't want his heart break to poison my writing, to seep into my life always remaining forever present in the back round, so I haven't written a word since yesterday.

At first I felt completely abandoned and like I would always be destined to have this tragic life, like there was some one up there writing my story so that it could be on the New York Times best seller list one day, you know that kind of book that you must read! A heart felt triumph that takes you threw an emotional roller coaster until the very end? Yeah that's me alright. My name is Mallory and in french it is translated as an unfortunate child, my mother must of had some sub conscious premonition before she had me and some how knew my life would be this way. See my life might not seem too tragic to you yet but as we really start to get into more than whats just on the surface you will understand my pessimistic out look on things. I have always been alone in this world, and so I decided to just move away from all these people. From the mother who lives twenty min's away from me but only see's me on major holidays and only calls when she wants to talk about her self or to the father who lives three thousand miles away and has only seen me five short visits in the last thirteen years, or to the siblings that have enough of there own fucked up life issues to worry about mine, or the boy that broke my heart but still loves me, or the two only girlfriends I had who both moved away in the middle of my life crisis. You see regardless of where I am in this world or life I am always by myself, even when I thought I wasn't. So I gained enough courage to just say fuck it and go on my own adventure, the one I write the one I want and no one is going to rain on this parade.

My first stop is Utah, I leave on August fifth. I will be there attending job core for six months, then I am on my way to New York to meet up with my best cousin Jessica, and together my next chapter in my journey will begin but first I have to start chapter one.